Andrew Orvedahl

Didn't get a ticket, didn't even get a warning.

I got pulled over going 100mph, told the cop I was 'getting a feel for my car', and we both laughed. But sure white… https://t.co/zsheN7LmhP

Just in case your job seems hard today: https://t.co/Az29Oa2faT

@purpledinocast Don't panic, Rich Hill is pitching tonight.

I think we can all agree that the very worst term for a home run is 'solo jack'.

RT @DadBeard: It's easier to tell your children that they eat owls in Hooters rather than explaining what really goes on in there.

RT @eileencurtright: My kids won't stop saying "quick quesh" when they want to ask something. do not put your hopes in the youth

@ChasinChase24_7 @missmayn I'm sorry my sound effect offended you, you most tender and delicate of snowflakes.

RT @PFTompkins: Gang, it's a new day, so let's do what we always do: absolutely CRUSH IT with the 7 available Twitter joke structures.

RT @BMcCarthy32: Its ridiculous but when I start against the Mets I'm very aware that Jerry Seinfeld's mood is in my hands.